Longing for Home

I've been experiencing more and more the desire to be living closer to our families. Our much loved parents/grandparents are both 8 hours away, my sister and her husband (as well as my nieces and nephew) are also 8 hours away, my youngest brother is 6 1/2 hours away, and my other brother has been living abroad for the last 3 years. Ken's only brother is 8 hours away as well. Ken and I only see our grandparents about once a year, which truly breaks my heart.

This is not what I thought our lives would look like. I always thought that my children would grow up alongside of cousins, aunts and uncles, great-grandparents and grandparents.

I was listening to a sermon not long ago about the deepest longings of our hearts. God did not intend for us to be separated from the people we love. He created us for unbroken fellowship, not just with Him, but also with each other. Our deepest longing is "to have love last", to be with the people we love forever. But, in this broken and fallen world, that is not our reality. Death occurs slowly. We are separated by sin, misunderstandings, grudges, distance (both emotionally and physically), and eventually by time and space when our loved ones pass away.

Our culture is one of constant change. People don't grow up and settle in the same towns anymore. Our loved ones live far away. Our siblings take jobs in far away places. Our best friends move to Africa. Children grow up and leave. We watch our parents age. Time moves quickly.

That's why even the best love, that of spouses and family and the dearest of friends, can not truly satisfy the deepest longings of our souls. There is only one Love that will never fail, never be separated from us, never leave us or forsake us, even in death. He calls Himself "our Eternal Dwelling Place". God longs to be our Home, our Family, our Parent, our Spouse, our closest Friend, our forever King. And our deepest longings can only be met in Him. Our hearts are safe in this Eternal Home.

He is a good and kind Father. He sent His son to turn back the clock, to undo death itself. He is recreating, reviving and renewing. It's taking a long time (to us), but one day we will know the joy of being in unbroken, forever fellowship with Him and also with the people we love, the people we have lost.

Until then, we long for, we wait for, we hope for this day. And we drive a lot. We talk on the phone a lot. We go on vacations together. We make the effort to be involved in our loved ones lives, because in the end, life is all about the relationships. Our relationship with God and our relationships with each other. They are what sanctify us. They are the means in which we share Christ with each other. They are what set up apart in a world that hungers for things that can never truly satisfy the soul. People are the treasures that we store up in Heaven.

I for one, echo the longings of John in the end of Revelation. "Come, King Jesus, come quickly!". We're ready.

Swimmin' Fools

One thing we have loved about living here is our indoor community pool! It is really nice to get to swim in a heated pool when it is still freezing outside. The kids took swimming lesson for 8 weeks. Last week was their final week. Hannah loves to swim and did really well. She is so fun to watch--completely fearless when she is in the water. This is not the norm for the other realms in her life, so it is a special joy to watch her take chances and venture out (all under the watchful eye of her instructors!). I look forward to seeing her grow and develop in her swimming skills over the summer!

Harry has decided that he is afraid of the "deep" water (which comes up to his chin). So, he decided half way through the classes that he just wasn't going to try to swim too much. He would rather just hang onto the swim instructor and kick his legs occasionally. However, he did persevere and complete all eight classes, and we are proud of him. I'll be honest, it was nice to see him have a somewhat healthy fear of SOMETHING. He's our risk taker, so I don't mind that he wants to be extra careful in the water. He's already enrolled for more lessons this summer, so hopefully he'll grow in his confidence as he learns new skills.

On a side note, Harry's favorite part of swim lessons was waiting for them to start. That was his opportunity to dance along with the old ladies in the water aerobics class. He's one of a kind!

Who heals all your diseases...

This week as I've been reflecting (or attempting to reflect...as much as a mama of little ones is able to reflect) on the suffering of Jesus. At times in my relationship with Christ, this has been an abstract concept for me. The benefits of my salvation have been equally abstract as well. I am realizing that these two concepts are inextricably linked. The more I gaze on His suffering and all that He went through, the more my heart sees and is amazed by the benefits that I now have because of His sacrifice.

One benefit (from the long list in Psalm 103) that keeps coming to my mind is this beautiful phrase..."Bless the Lord, O my soul...who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit." This is fresh on my mind as I have labored in prayer over my sweet niece, Abagail. Several months ago, she unexplainably was unable to swallow liquids. They went straight into her little lungs. For a (then) 5 months old, this is a major problem. Long story short, she ended up having a feeding tube inserted in her nose, so that she could continue to eat and live.

When I went and visited over spring break, I had the joyful privilege of carrying her around in the snugli while the other kids ran around one day. One thing that I noticed, that completely broke my heart, was how little people would LOOK at her. Some would look, see her tube, and glance away, with an embarrassed expression on their faces. Some did not even see her at all. My sister later shared with me that this was "normal"--something that her heart had experienced many times as well.

After I came home, I began to realize how much I do not SEE people, especially people with disabilities. I glance away quickly, feeling awkward. I think, "did they notice me staring?". I even found myself walking the long way around people in the mall, just to avoid the feeling of not knowing what to do. Jesus quietly convicted my heart of my self centeredness, my desire to be comfortable, to not feel awkward, and my insensitivity to the needs of others. The NEED to be SEEN.

This was not true of the life of Jesus. He always looked at people. He saw them--not just the outside, but straight down to their souls. He saw their deep longings, their broken hearts, the baggage that they carried, the crushing weight of sin that they bore. He looked. He saw. He moved towards them.

Isaiah 53 was one of my favorite passages in college. One of the phrases from that passage comes to mind when I think of all these things. "He was despised and forsaken of men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief; and like one from whom men hide their face, He was despised, and we did not esteem Him." Not only did Jesus see those that no one else even bothered to look at, He also became unseen for us. He even experienced the rejection of His Father. So marred and disfigured by sin, even His own Father turned away His face from the Beloved Son.

What kind of God does this? What love must be ours? I am rejoicing that, through His disfigurement, His rejection, we are healed. Not just in the next life, when He comes to make all things right and new, but in THIS life as well. After months of praying, my niece is healed. No diagnosis, because earthly doctors didn't know what was wrong. But her Great Physician did, and He moved to graciously heal.

He is healing my heart too, of my addiction to self, my need for comfort, my desire to always look like I know what to say, know what to do in every situation. It is a slow process. I am looking, trying to see the person behind the disability, the disfigurement. I am praying in my heart for them and for an opportunity to speak, if my King desires for me to do so. I am looking forward in HOPE to the day when there will be no tears, no sickness, no sorrow, no pain, no death. He is near, His Kingdom in at hand. It will be a glorious day when we walk on the sand of Jordan's banks.

Abagail, healed, redeemed, restored

January and February in Photos

I can not believe we are already in April! Where has the first part of 2011 gone? I am very behind on posting as our lives have been pretty crazy. These last few months have been stretching for my faith and have forced my heart to grab onto the HOPE that we have in Jesus.

We have experienced some sadnesses and trials that have caused me to take a hard look at my life and my faith and ask myself some searching questions. I have had to take an honest inventory of my hopes and have had to scrutinize my heart. I have had to admit to myself, and to God, that I have been looking to certain things, other than Him, to give me security, comfort and peace.

Though seasons where God strips you of your idols are painful, they are also beautiful and rewarding. I have been blessed to see God's goodness, even in the midst of sorrow. I feel that my heart and His heart are becoming more tightly bound together. I believe in His faithfulness and love in new and real ways. I'm sure I'll be sharing more on those changes in later posts, but for now....PICTURES!

We took Harry to see a massive train show that came to town in January. My boy loves trains and it was fun to see him enjoying all of the exhibits! There are not very many pictures of him, because he was running around the convention center the whole time! Ken had fun trying to keep up with him:

Our downtown skyline recreated from legos!

We stood in line for FOREVER so they could ride Thomas for about 90 seconds! Harry was too interested in the ride to look at the camera. His is the profile you see riding in front of his sister. :)

Then, in February, Ken took Hannah to the annual Girl Scouts Father/Daughter dance. Harry and I went on a date as well. So much fun to spend some alone time with our kids!

Hannah and her handsome date!

This girl loves to hula hoop and dance! They had a lot of fun together.

Christmas at the White House

One night we headed over to the White House to see the Christmas trees. If you have never been to D.C. during the Christmas season, it really is impressive. Right next to the White House is the national Christmas tree that the President's family lights every year. Surrounding it are trees for every state and province, decorated by artists native to each state. It was really beautiful!

Nana, Pampa, Hannah and Harry

The guys were posing for a picture (because I was making them), and someone snuck into the shot last minute!

Pampa and his shadow for the week

Harry's favorite part! They had several trains set up all around the huge Christmas tree.

I was happy to see a nativity scene. It's nice to know that Jesus is still a part of something at our nation's capital!

Hannah and Harry Take D.C., part 1

One of our favorite places that we visited in D.C. was the Museum of Natural History. We spent most of the day there. I have to say, my kids were TROOPERS the whole week. We walked all over the place, and there was a very minimal amount of whining and complaining even though they were running on late nights and no naps. Of course, it did help to have 2 parents, 2 grandparents, and 2 uncles at their disposal.

They were so cute to watch while we were touring the museum. They almost ran from room to room, so excited to discover and explore as much as possible. The one thing that Harry said he wanted to do in D.C. was to see some dinosaurs. When we got to the big room that has the largest dinosaurs, he was so thrilled. Pampa held him for a while so that he could see even more (it was pretty crowded). So fun to see such sweet moments with grandparents!

On a side note, this trip convinced me that I definitely need to invest in something more than a point and shoot. I really like my camera, but it just doesn't cut it in certain situations. I hate to have so many picture perfect opportunities that pass me by! Any suggestions on what to look into?

Our Christmas

This is a VERY belated post about our Christmas break! We've had some craziness in our lives for the past month, but that is a whole other post (which I am sure I will get to eventually).

We spent Christmas at home this year, which was a nice change of pace. The more Ken travels with work, the more he likes to spend our holidays at home. It is very fun and sweet to begin our own family traditions centered around the birth of our Lord Jesus. I also feel like I SEE my kids more when we are at home during the holiday season. With all of the work it takes to pack up gifts and get everything together and then all of the fun stuff we do when we actually get to where we are going, I often feel that Christmas morning comes and goes and I haven't enjoyed my children. This year was different. We did a lot of the low key things like decorating the house, making gingerbread cookies, drinking hot chocolate around the fire, wrapping up in blankets and driving around to see Christmas lights, and going to our own church together. It was so enjoyable to just focus on my own little family as we celebrated God's greatest gift to us.

We also decided to just get the kids one nice gift each, instead of a ton of little things. I was so happy we decided to do that! The grandparents showered them with presents, so they had more than one gift to open, which was nice. Another plus was that we just didn't spend all that time and money on unnecessary things. I felt like we wasted a little less this year, which is always a good feeling! On the whole, it was a much simpler Christmas than we have ever done before, and it was very satisfying and rewarding. It left us time and energy to enjoy the true meaning of Christmas and each other.

After Christmas, we packed up the car and headed to Washington, D.C. where my family was gathered. My dad was speaking at a college kids' conference, so we all spent the week after Christmas together running around our nation's capital. Stay tuned, as there will be more pictures of Hannah's and Harry's adventures to come...