This week as I've been reflecting (or attempting to reflect...as much as a mama of little ones is able to reflect) on the suffering of Jesus. At times in my relationship with Christ, this has been an abstract concept for me. The benefits of my salvation have been equally abstract as well. I am realizing that these two concepts are inextricably linked. The more I gaze on His suffering and all that He went through, the more my heart sees and is amazed by the benefits that I now have because of His sacrifice.
One benefit (from the long list in Psalm 103) that keeps coming to my mind is this beautiful phrase..."Bless the Lord, O my soul...who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit." This is fresh on my mind as I have labored in prayer over my sweet niece, Abagail. Several months ago, she unexplainably was unable to swallow liquids. They went straight into her little lungs. For a (then) 5 months old, this is a major problem. Long story short, she ended up having a feeding tube inserted in her nose, so that she could continue to eat and live.
When I went and visited over spring break, I had the joyful privilege of carrying her around in the snugli while the other kids ran around one day. One thing that I noticed, that completely broke my heart, was how little people would LOOK at her. Some would look, see her tube, and glance away, with an embarrassed expression on their faces. Some did not even see her at all. My sister later shared with me that this was "normal"--something that her heart had experienced many times as well.
After I came home, I began to realize how much I do not SEE people, especially people with disabilities. I glance away quickly, feeling awkward. I think, "did they notice me staring?". I even found myself walking the long way around people in the mall, just to avoid the feeling of not knowing what to do. Jesus quietly convicted my heart of my self centeredness, my desire to be comfortable, to not feel awkward, and my insensitivity to the needs of others. The NEED to be SEEN.
This was not true of the life of Jesus. He always looked at people. He saw them--not just the outside, but straight down to their souls. He saw their deep longings, their broken hearts, the baggage that they carried, the crushing weight of sin that they bore. He looked. He saw. He moved towards them.
Isaiah 53 was one of my favorite passages in college. One of the phrases from that passage comes to mind when I think of all these things. "He was despised and forsaken of men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief; and like one from whom men hide their face, He was despised, and we did not esteem Him." Not only did Jesus see those that no one else even bothered to look at, He also became unseen for us. He even experienced the rejection of His Father. So marred and disfigured by sin, even His own Father turned away His face from the Beloved Son.
What kind of God does this? What love must be ours? I am rejoicing that, through His disfigurement, His rejection, we are healed. Not just in the next life, when He comes to make all things right and new, but in THIS life as well. After months of praying, my niece is healed. No diagnosis, because earthly doctors didn't know what was wrong. But her Great Physician did, and He moved to graciously heal.
He is healing my heart too, of my addiction to self, my need for comfort, my desire to always look like I know what to say, know what to do in every situation. It is a slow process. I am looking, trying to see the person behind the disability, the disfigurement. I am praying in my heart for them and for an opportunity to speak, if my King desires for me to do so. I am looking forward in HOPE to the day when there will be no tears, no sickness, no sorrow, no pain, no death. He is near, His Kingdom in at hand. It will be a glorious day when we walk on the sand of Jordan's banks.
Abagail, healed, redeemed, restored
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