Daughters

I've been thinking a lot lately about my life.  What kind of woman do I want to be?  Am I moving toward that goal or away from it?  Is what I'm doing today helping me to become that person?  I had a great lunch with my pastor's wife yesterday and she brought up a lot of good questions for me to think about.  I have been generally dissatisfied with my "performance" as a mother.  Before I had kids, I had this picture in my mind of what kind of mother I was going to be.  Unfortunately, I feel I have missed the mark in many ways.  Because I do not measure up to all that I thought I could be, I struggle with doubts, discouragement, and fear.  If I fail at this, how can I be worth anything???  

Lunch with my dear friend yesterday reminded me of a few unchanging facts that I had lost sight of.  My identity is first and foremost that of a daughter.  I am God's daughter, the delight of His heart.  I was struck by the truth of this fact as I watched my daughter and her daddy snuggling on the couch this morning.  That girl is the apple of her father's eye.  So am I!  I could fail at everything I try to do, and God will not love me any less because of it!  He adores me, even more than I adore Hannah (and Harris too, of course, but this post is primarily about daughters).  I will never stop loving her, delighting in her, treasuring her.  If I feel this way about her, how much more does my perfect Heavenly Father feel over me?

The other fact that I had lost sight of, is that the weight of raising these children does not rest on me alone.  These are God's children, not my own!  I am called to live a Gospel-centered life before them, complete with my failures and God's strength to be victorious over my sin.  This, of course, will look differently in each stage of their lives.  However, the point is the same.  God will use all aspects of my life to speak to my children.  He is the primary parent of their hearts and my own.  I count it a privilege to partner with Him in this work.

Finally, I am encouraged by this fact:  Hannah is a saving grace in my life.  God has placed her here to be my silent accountability partner.  Her mere presence challenges me to be the kind of woman she can look up to, can aspire to become one day.  My only prayer is that she will look at me and see God's grace, working in me, flowing through me, changing me day by day.  I am thankful for my daughter, who delights my heart, challenges my soul, and is used to increase my faith.  I can honestly say, that I finally feel motivated to be a godly woman for the right reasons:  Because Jesus loves even me and as simple as that may sound, it is becoming everything to me; and because I absolutely love my husband and children and want them to have the best of me.  

It's a long road God is calling me to travel.  Good thing He has walked it ahead of me and will guide me through its twists and turns.  I know that there will be a lot of falling down, a lot of bumps and bruises and tears along the way.  But I also feel confident, that the One who calls is the same One who enables and empowers!  Without Him, I am nothing.  In Him, I have everything I need.  God's blessings and strength to you as you journey with Him.

Seeing other people

One of Ken's and my resolutions for this year is to go out on dates with our kids on a regular basis.  We're not sure how often we'll make it (we're shooting for once a month).  We did our first "date night" this past Monday.  They were so cute!  Hannah insisted on wearing a dress, her favorite jewelry and having her hair curled.  She picked a hot dog place in our little downtown.  Harris was so excited, he couldn't take a nap that afternoon (which made for a fun date with Mommy!).  He felt like such a big boy at our local pub--he ordered a huge hamburger and got to sit in a booth, which is definitely a step up from the high-chair he is usually restrained in.  All in all, we had a great time and are looking forward to our next date.  Ken and I get to go out on a "real" date this Friday (sans babies).  We'll see if he measures up to my last gentleman caller.   

A Think-Break

Ken and I just got back from a trip to sunny Orlando--I tagged along while he went to a business meeting.  It was such a nice break!  I didn't realize just how tired I was until we got there.  I slept at least 8-10 hours every night, and it wasn't until the last day we were there that I finally felt caught up on my rest!  We are so blessed to have parents who are willing to take our kids for us for a week at a time!  Ken's parents had them this trip, and it was nice to be able to let go, knowing that my kids were enjoying their vacation as much as I was.  It took me at least a day to de-stress and finally relax!  You don't realize until they are gone how much your day (and life!) revolve around their needs.  I kept feeling like there was something I was forgetting.  It was a great opportunity to refocus on the things that are really important, not just the tyranny of the urgent.  It's amazing, all of the things that I let get crowded out of my mind by my "busyness".  I was so thankful to have time to actually THINK and COMPLETE a thought deeper than, "Wonder what we'll eat for lunch today?" or "When was the last time I took Harry potty?".  So anyhow, I was thankful for the break, and the time to reflect.  It was just the right amount of time, too.  I don't think I could do much more than a week away from them.  We're all happy to be home together!  I'm not sure how long that feeling will last... :)